Press Release

Marriage Can Work

by Marites Sison (for Inter Press Service)
OFW Journalism Consortium

DASMARINAS, Cavite - ''My Daddy's home,'' four-year-old Michael Ello says excitedly, showing off a toy robot he got as a present from his father.

It's a few days before Christmas last year, and Michael was among the lucky ones in Seaman's Village, a housing estate solely for merchant marines and their families located south of Manila, who will get to spend the holidays with their fathers at home.

Michael's father, Herman, shares his son's excitement. ''My happiness now cannot be matched by money,'' he says. He will not only be able to share the traditional 'noche buena' (Christmas midnight feast) with his family, but will get a chance to see, up close, his three children's excitement over their gifts.

''Christmas is really for children,'' he adds. Last year he spent the holidays in the high seas, lining up for a 12 dollar a minute International Maritime Satellite (IMS) phone call so he can show his wife, Mariepaz, and their children, ''that they are important to me''.

Several blocks away, Shirley Sitenta, president of the Seaman's Village Homeowners' Association (SVHA), is also counting her blessings.

Her home is all spruced up for the holidays: a giant Christmas tree loaded with trimmings stands in a corner; red curtains and green pillow cases complete the ensemble.

But most important, Alfredo, her husband of 26 years, is home for the holidays. ''He makes it a point to leave for an assignment by January so he can really be here for Christmas,'' says Shirley.

While he is home, Alfredo says, he spends ''quality time'' with his children. He wakes up before the crack of dawn to prepare their breakfast, plays hoops with them after school, or simply attends to their needs.

''He's not the bossy type. He's even the one who serves us,'' says a beaming Shirley. ''He's very close to his children.''

The Sitentas and the Ellos are Filipino couples who are making a go of marriage despite long months of separation because of overseas work.

Although remittances by overseas workers are a consistent and major contributor to the Philippines' coffers, long separation due to overseas employment has been identified as a factor in the breakdown of the Filipino family structure.

The two couples say they are all too aware of this reality and would like to beat the odds.

''My husband says if 99 percent (of seafarers) are fooling around, he wants to be that one percent,'' says Mariepaz Ello, 31.

''Temptation and sexual curiosity are always around. What's important is that you fear God and you have self-discipline,'' stresses her 30-year-old husband Herman, a seafarer for the last six years.

''There should be trust,'' says Shirley Sitenta. She says husbands are not the only ones facing temptation. Bored and lonely wives can also fall prey to indiscretions.

Malou Marin, executive director of the non-government organization Action for Health Initiatives (ACHIEVE), says both overseas workers and their spouses have compelling needs for warmth, sexuality and friendship. ''The separation and loneliness that overseas workers experience contribute to their vulnerability in entering into relationships outside marriage,'' she explains.

To fill the void created by a spouse's or parent's absence, the Seaman's Village Homeowners' Association organises social activities for families left behind. Under Shirley Sitenta's helm, it also publishes an eight-page newspaper, 'Ang Abot Tanaw' (From a Distance) which Mariepaz edits.

The newspaper, published twice a year, contains news about the issues and activities of the village, as well as articles written by seafarers and their families.

''It gives them a chance to connect,'' says Mariepaz. Its February 2001 issue, for instance, has a page devoted to 'Kuwentong Marino' (A Sailor's Story), written by a seafarer, and poetry, 'Buhay Marino, Isang Sakripisyo' (A Marine's Life, A Sacrifice), written by a seafarer's wife.

Another secret to togetherness, adds Shirley Sitenta, is ''an eagerness to pursue a common vision and goal''. She says one cause of break-ups among families of overseas workers is the absence of an agreement on how to pursue plans for the family's future.

Sitenta, who is more outspoken than her husband, whom she describes as an introvert, does her part by managing their finances. ''I tell my husband that he's lucky because when he comes home, there are no creditors knocking on our door. Part of the money goes to our children's educational fund and for our retirement,'' she says. ''We do not go for signature brands (of goods).''

Besides, she says, they still have nine more years of monthly amortisations to pay for their 181 square-metre house here at Seaman's Village, which is home to 500 families.

Mariepaz Ello concurs that prudence with her husband's hard-earned money is important. ''We don't live extravagantly.''

The two couples also stress the need for constant communication. Aside from snail mail, they are now able to send each other messages through their mobile phones everyday. ''When my husband left for overseas work, our agreement was that we would write each other letters every week,'' says Ello. ''We continue to do that.''

And when they do communicate, the couples say they try to be as honest and as open to each other about their feelings - and fears.

Shirley Sitenta demands sexual fidelity from her husband. ''I tell him, if a woman can endure, so should a man.'' She says she and her husband are aware of the growing number of seafarers who come home with HIV, and end up infecting their wives.

Of about 1,600 recorded cases of HIV/AIDS so far, 25 to 27 percent have been traced to overseas workers, says the country's health department. The high incidence could be traced to the fact that these workers are subjected to mandatory AIDS testing.

Herman and Alfredo acknowledge that loneliness at sea and problems at home contribute to some seafarer's ''girl-in-every-port syndrome''.

Alfredo cites prayers as his shield, saying that he recites the rosary at about the same time that his wife does. It's a pact they made to each other.

Herman says he plays his guitar to ease homesickness. Aside from providing his family a promising future, Herman says his goal is to leave the maritime profession with a good record. ''I don't care if I don't become a captain. What's important to me is that I retire with my dignity intact,'' says the deck cadet. (Visit Inter Press Service at www.ipsnews.net) - OFW Journalism Consortium


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Press release contributed by:

OFW Journalism Consortium
Contact address: INSTITUTE ON CHURCH AND SOCIAL ISSUES
2/F ISO Building, Social Development Complex, Ateneo de Manila University,
Loyola Heights, Quezon City, Philippines
63-02-4265953, 4266070 (fax), jopiniano@lycos.com, OFJournConsortium@yahoogroups.com