Press Release

'I Just Pray'

by Marites Sison (for Inter Press Service)
OFW Journalism Consortium

''GOD'S will be done'' is the prayer Esper (not her real name) utters each time she has sex with her husband, a seafarer from the Philippines who has been in the trade for 22 years.

When he comes home for a two-to-three-month holiday after being away at sea for months, Esper is not sure whether it is safe to be intimate with him. At the back of her mind, she says, is the possibility that her husband may have contracted a sexually-transmitted disease (STD) or worse, HIV, from sexual relations in some overseas port.

''I always remind him to please come home to me safe, but I have no way of knowing if he's been faithful to me,'' confesses the 43-year-old Esper, who works as a liaison officer for a marine recruitment agency here.

She once tried telling her husband to have a medical check-up, but he accused her of not trusting him. ''So I just closed my eyes and prayed,'' she added.

Studies show that seafarers -- there are 500,000 registered Filipino seafarers and one in every five seafarers in the world is Filipino -- are among the migrant workers whose ''girl-in-every-port'' practice makes them vulnerable to HIV/AIDS, and passing it on to their partners.

''Faced with the daily risks of negotiating turbulent seas, sailing for days or weeks on end, and being in a typically male-dominated occupation, seafarers are known to indulge in social activities the moment they dock, including drinking binges and casual or paid sex,'' activist Riza Faith Ybanez says in a case study on the HIV vulnerability of wives of seafarers.

Like Esper, Julie (not her real name) is aware that STDs and AIDS can come knocking on her and her husband's door any time. ''I trust him,'' says Julie of her husband. ''But I tell him that if you really cannot resist the temptation, please use a condom. If you can't stay away, just have oral sex.''

Julie says her ''open and honest relationship'' with her husband allows them to express their feelings without fear of rejection.

Not so with the majority of seafarers' wives interviewed by Ybanez. Thirty-three women in her study said they feared contracting STDs and HIV from their seafarer-husbands, but most ''still have not taken proactive positive measures to protect themselves from their own vulnerabilities.''

Like Esper and Julie, those who manage to talk to their husbands only give gentle reminders to engage in safe sex. Only a few insist on a medical examination before sexual contact, citing the need to preserve family harmony.

Ybanez says many seamen's wives actually agree that they need to be more assertive with their husbands, but add that doing so is not easy.

''They are economically dependent on their husbands so there's a lot of gratitude for taking care of them,'' Ybanez observes. ''Also, Filipino wives in general are not assertive.''

Sexist norms in society have likewise created an imbalance in relationships. ''We have a situation where on the one hand, the seafarers are exposed to sexual adventures abroad and come home with a new world view on sexual practices while on the other hand, their wives remain sexually reserved back home,'' says Ybanez's study.

To cope with the possibility of their husbands' extramarital relations, the study says, ''the wives do confront their husbands or drop hints of their doubts, but always jokingly.''

Other women ''fish for signs in their conversations,'' says Ybanez. Likewise, ''there are wives who refuse to think about their husband's sexual activities abroad,'' she says.

At the root of most seafarers' foray into the culture of casual sex is the tolerance of male promiscuity.

Some wives rationalize that ''their husbands have sexual needs that must be satisfied and since they cannot be present to satisfy these needs, it is natural for men to look elsewhere for satisfaction,'' Ybanez explains.

''They (the wives) say that they miss their husbands so much that they are eager to sexually connect with them notwithstanding the risks. They say they think of the risks later, so STDs or HIV may be the price to pay for their happiness,'' Ybanez's study says.

Using condoms was also not popular among women surveyed by the study -- some said it was unnatural, others said volunteering their use was a sign of ''guilt or mistrust.''

Esper says the ''first and only one time'' she used a condom was when her husband suggested using it. He had confessed to an indiscretion, was not sure if he was still safe, and later asked her to accompany him to a medical check-up.

Fortunately for Esper and her husband, he only had a urinary tract infection. But she told him, ''We can't just ignore this. The next time it could be worse.''

If her husband had indeed gotten HIV, Esper says she would be heartbroken but would still stand by him. ''Who else will understand him?'' (Visit Inter Press Service at www.ipsnews.net) - OFW Journalism Consortium


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Press release contributed by:

OFW Journalism Consortium
Contact address: INSTITUTE ON CHURCH AND SOCIAL ISSUES
2/F ISO Building, Social Development Complex, Ateneo de Manila University,
Loyola Heights, Quezon City, Philippines
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