 Balikbayan
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Isang pamilya sa Pilipinas ang nagulat nang dumating ang ataul
ng kanilang yumaong ina na nakatira sa USA na ipinadala ng kapatid
nilang babae. Ang ataol ay siksik na siksik kung kaya halos magkandayupi-yupi
ang mukha sa salamin ng ataol ang namatay na ina. Nang buksan nila
ang ataol ay nakita nila ang sulat na nakapardible sa dibdib ng
kanilang ina. Ito ang nilalaman ng sulat.
Sa aking mga kapatid: Ipinadadala ko sa inyo ang bangkay ni Inay
para mailibing sa Pilipinas. Pasensiya na kayo at hindi ako makapunta
diyan para ihatid siya sa huling hantungan dahil mas lalong lalaki
pa ang gastos. Sa loob ng kabaong sa ilalim ng bangkay ni ina ay
12 lata ng Libby's corned beef at 12 lata ng Spam. Maghatihati na
lang kayo diyan.
Sa paa ni Inay ay nakasuot ang isang bagong pares ng Reeboks (size
8) para kay Rene. May apat pang pares ng Reeboks na nasa ulunan
ni Inay para sa mga anak na lalaki ni Lito. Nakasuot si Inay ng
6 na Ralph Lauren T-shirt--isa para kay Roy at iyong iba ay para
aking mga pamangkin na lalaki. Nakasuot din si Inay ng isang dosenang
Wonder Bra (paborito ninyo), paghati-hatian na lang ninyo at bahala
na kayo. Iyong isang dosenang Victoria's Secret panties ay pakidistribyut
na lang sa mga pamangkin at babaing magpipinsan.
Nakasuot din si Inay ng 8 Docker pants - Tonette, kumuha ka ng isa
at ang matitira ay ibigay mo sa mga batang lalaki. Iyong Swiss watch
na hinihingi mo ay nasa kaliwang wrist ng Inay, kunin mo rin iyon.
Aunty Charity, suot ni Inay iyong mga bilin ninyo - hikaw, singsing
at kuwintas - kunin ninyo na lang. At saka, iyong 6 na pares ng
stockings na Chanel ay paghatihatian na ng mga batang babae. Sana
magustuhan nila ang kulay.
Your loving sister,
Baby
PS -Pakihanapan na lang ninyo ng maisusuot si Inay para sa kaniyang
libing.
The compassionate lawyer
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine
when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his
driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you
eating grass?" he asked one man.
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"Oh, come along with me then," instructed the lawyer.
"But, sir, I have a wife and two children!"
"Bring them along!" replied the lawyer. He turned to the
other man and said, "Come with us."
"But sir, I have a wife and six children!" the second
man answered.
"Bring them as well!" answered the lawyer as he headed
for his limo.
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for
a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows
says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us
with you."
The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass at my home is almost
a foot tall."
Old man in a diner
A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell's
Angels bikers walked in.
The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the
old man's pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked
up to the old man, spit into the old man's milk and then he took
a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man, turned
over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.
Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner.
Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph,
not much of a man, was he?"
The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either.
He just backed his truck over three motorcycles."
Some instructions
On instructions for a hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial bath bar:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
On a frozen dinner package:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
On a hotel-provided shower cap box:
Fits one head.
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