Mabuhay ang Pilipinas

Pedro, a young Filipino tourist on his first visit to Amsterdam locates the red light district and enters a large brothel. The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain the client. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away!

Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the gentleman. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, "No!" and walks quickly away.

The madam is surprised that this ordinary-looking man has asked for something so outrageous that her two girls will have nothing to do with it. She decides that only her most experienced lady, Lola, will do.

Lola looks a bit tired, but she has never said no and it doesn't seem likely that anything would surprise her. So the madam sends her over to Pedro. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, "NO WAY, BUDDY!", smacks him as hard as she can, and literally runs away!

Madam is by now absolutely intrigued, having seen nothing like this in all her years of operating a brothel. She hasn't done the bedroom work herself for a long time, but she did it for many years before she got into management. She's sure she has said yes at one time or another to everything a man could possibly ask for. The challenge is irresistible. She just has to find out what this man has wanted that has made her girls so angry. And she sees a chance she can't pass up to show off to her employees how good she was at what they do.

So she goes over to Pedro and says that she's the best in the house and she, herself, is available. She sits and talks with him. They frolic a bit, giggle a bit, drink a little, and she sits in his lap.

And Pedro leans forward and whispers in her ear, "Can I pay in Philippine Pesos?"

Head Cleaner

Leticia decides to do something wild that she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first X-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating.

She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain.

Leticia said, "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static." The store clerk replied, "Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?" Leticia answers, "It's called 'Head Cleaner'."

Box under the bed

When Tom and Grace first got married, Tom said," I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise to never look in it." In all their 30 years of marriage, Grace never looked; however, on the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her. She lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were three empty beer cans and $1,874.25 in cash.

She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why.

That evening they went out for a special dinner. After dinner Grace could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed: "I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed; however, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know: Why do you keep the cans in the box?"

Tom thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again."

Grace was shocked, but said, "I am very disappointed and saddened, but I guess after all those years away from home on the road, temptation does happen, and I guess that three times is not that bad considering the years."

They hugged and made their peace.

A little while later, Grace asked Tom, "So why do you have all that money in the box?"

Tom answered, "Well, whenever the box was filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash."

Circumcision

Two little boys are in a hospital and are lying next to each other. The first boy leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"

The second replies, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."

The first boy says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done to me once. They put you to sleep and when you wake up they give you lots of jello and ice cream. It's a piece of cake!"

The second boy then asks, "What are you in here for?"

The first boy replies, "Well, I'm here for a circumcision."

The second says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!!!"

Mexican Millionaire

A Mexican man becomes an instant millionaire after winning the lottery.

With his newfound wealth, he decides on exactly what he will buy. He buys a 20-acre plot of land in Mexico and hires an architect.

"I want mi casa to be built right there, with big columns in front, and a marble foyer, and at the end of the hall I want a halo statue." The architect, excited about making mega bucks off this man, jots down exactly what the Mexican wants, "I'll do it sir, I'll make this a fine house for you!"

All the plans are made and the architect starts construction. He searches six different countries to find exquisite columns for the front of the house and has marble shipped in from France to line the foyer.

The only problem he has is that he cannot locate a halo statue. Knowing that religious symbols are important to many Mexicans, he continues to search high and low for month after month. The house is finally complete, but alas, the architect was never able to locate a halo statue.

Swallowing his pride for not being able to complete the order, he takes the Mexican to see his new home.

"Si Senor!" exclaims the Mexican. "You got da columns in front of mi casa!" The architect smiles. They enter the house and the Mexican notices the marble floor. "Wonderful! I love mi new marble floor Senor!" states the Mexican as he wanders down the hall. He reaches the end of the hall and looks puzzled.

"Senor? Where is my halo statue?" asks the Mexican. "Well, sir, I'm afraid to have to tell you this, but I searched high and low and just could not for the life of me figure out what a halo statue is, much less find one for you anywhere," says the architect, hanging his head in shame.

"What? You don't know what a halo statue is?"

"No, sir, I'm sorry, I do not know," replies the architect.

"You know," says the Mexican, "it's that thing that goes eringy dingy' and you pick it up and say, "halo? statue?" *

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