When one thing is said, yet another is done, which do you
believe—the words, or the actions?
Common sense dictates that the old dictum holds true: actions
speak louder than words, but it is so sad to see so many people
hanging on to a “love” (but is it a loving?) relationship
because of the form, and not for the substance.
Women, especially, are prone to this malady. It has been
said that in general, between the two sexes, women are the
more auditory/verbal ones, while men are the more visual.
Thus, if men are more prone to fall in love fast at first
sight because of the way a woman looks or visually appeals
to them, women are more prone to fall in love fast—and
stay in love long after they shouldn’t—because
of the sound of a man’s voice, and yes, the standard
sweet nothings laid on thick by knowing Lotharios.
The endless justifications are almost laughable, if they
weren’t so pathetic. A man dismisses your feelings and
opinions as “too emotional/illogical” but it’s
okay, he calls you at all hours of the day anyway just to
say “I love you.” He denigrates you in front of
his friends and family, but it’s okay, he sends you
sweet “I’m sorry” cards after he does it,
every time, without fail. He ignores your need for comfort
and rest and just plain old companionable conversation and
cuddling without the sexual connotations, but it’s okay,
he still sleeps with you anyway, doesn’t he? He hits
you, once or twice, and you threaten to leave him, but it’s
okay, he begs you back with his “I can’t live
without yous”, although he’s hitting you again
now, but sends you chocolates and roses in remorse afterwards.
So you hang on. So you stay. He didn’t mean it, he
was just in a bad mood, maybe you deserved the ill treatment,
maybe you weren’t giving enough, understanding enough,
patient enough, loving enough....
Stop it, girl. Stop kidding yourself. The reality is plain
and simple: if you aren’t consistently treated lovingly—in
words and actions, but more so in actions—then you aren’t
really loved at all. Consistently and lovingly are the key
words, hear?
You may be lusted after, needed physically, emotionally
and psychologically to prop him up (that’s why he can’t
live without you), or are just plain useful to be around with,
but YOU. ARE. NOT. TRULY. LOVED. Oh, it could go both ways
for men, too. She looks good, smells good, is good to you
in bed, but mocks you when you aren’t able to give her
enough money or buy her the things she wants. She makes your
house beautiful, but harangues you when you come home after
a tiring day and messes up her house. She buys you perfumes
and clothes and big boy toys, but makes fun of you in front
of her friends and family. She dresses well, makes you proud
to be seen in her company, but she also flirts with other
men right in your face. The list could go on, ad infinitum.
But the issue remains the same: you are supposed to be in
a love relationship, but are you truly being loved?
This being the month of Love, with Valentine’s Day
right smack in the middle, perhaps it may be time to stop,
look and listen, before giving in to all those commercial
pop culture delights celebrating love and lovers again.
Take a look at the one you’re with. What makes you
stay on?
Or, if you are not with somebody (yet), take a closer look
at what you want. What will make you stay on?
Is it the romance of good looks combined with physical attraction,
whispered sweet nonsense, the “safety” of being
with anybody rather than being alone, the “security”
of being economically provided for but spiritually and emotionally
starved? Or is true caring, trust and respect, those little
everyday courtesies of appreciating you for who you are and
what you do and passing over your little eccentricities, making
you feel safe and loved in both passion and friendship?
Is it the excitement and the mystery and the unpredictability
of an uncommitted lover, or the comfort and peace and reliability
of a consistently committed one?
In other words, icing and fluff may be nice, but—is
the love real? That is the eternal question.
