How romantic is romantic?

by Abby Waki

It’s the month of the hearts once again. And a leap year at that! We all know that the leap year is supposed to be a year for women to be bold in love. Although gone is the time of the coy ladies who cover their mouths with fans when they laugh, women are supposed to be still on the waiting end of the romance except in the year when there is an extra day in February.

Not so in Japan since the time confectioners introduced another western tradition that was filled with sweets. I do not know this year, but in the past 20 or so years, confectioners would more often than not recover any loss in bad Christmas sales through a deluge of chocolate in February.

To be exact, February is the month when they sell chocolates in Japan more than what Fujiya, the largest confectioner in Japan, can produce in a month. You see these chocolates in every store, even BIC, the camera shop that has gone big selling cheap electrical appliances, and lately, computers.

Funny how the Japanese copy a lot of things from the West, and make them uniquely their own. Take the Valentine’s tradition, for example. While in the West, the practice is to give flowers to express love on Valentine’s Day, in Japan, it is more a chocolate day. And what is unique about this western tradition turned Japanese is the reversal of roles of the giver and recipient!

While it is customary for the man to give flowers or chocolate to his lady love on Valentine’s Day, in Japan, it is the woman who gives chocolate to the man she fancies or loves.

Surprised? Don’t be. It is how they do this Valentine thing in Japan. How it started that way, I am not sure but I have the feeling that it is because by nature, Japanese men are not as aggressive as many people believe. Stories of sex exploits by Japanese tourists overseas are mostly myth.

Generally speaking, Japanese men are shy (I wonder if there is a better word in English equivalent to the Tagalog word torpe) and lack the ability to express their feelings in words and action so much that majority would prefer being introduced to their partners-to-be through a marriage broker (nakodo) in an omiai or arranged marriage to any serious courting except perhaps in some rare cases called “marriage made in heaven.” Getting rejected perhaps is one thing that most Japanese men would be unable to take, I suppose.

Are Japanese men romantic? This is actually the kind of question that I get from people who are curious to know about what it is like to be married to a Japanese macho guy! But how romantic is romantic? Not that I am complaining but I have yet to experience being taken to heaven for some torrid kiss that we see in US movies. I actually used to dream of being kissed by a man who looks like Errol Flynn, a reason I guess why I looked for a man resembling him. But apparently, the look-alike is no Errol Flynn, which is the reason why, lately, I do not feel that excitement when I watch Errol Flynn kiss his partner in the movie.

My husband cannot be different from his parents, I suppose. I never saw nor heard my parents-in-law say “I love you” to one another or hug each other the way my parents did or in the manner an American member of our church counseled young couples to make it a habit to greet each other “I love you” in the morning for the rest of their lives. My husband is very much like his parents in many ways. But in his Japanese way, I know he loves me as he has been faithful to me, as well as provides well for the family. Like most of his fellow Japanese, love for him is a sense of responsibility.

Does he give me chocolate or flowers on Valentine’s Day? The answer is “No!” I do give him a box of chocolate, though. I make sure, however, not to do that to other men at this time of the year. I would not like to put myself in another hot spot. Many years ago, I gave a box of chocolate to someone working in an airline, who helped me get seats for my passengers during the New Year’s travel rush. I earned a lot of money then, and thought that I would show my appreciation and gratitude by giving him a beautiful box of chocolate that I found in a store, and had it delivered to him with a noshigami (cover note) saying “Happy Valentine and Thank You!”

The next day, I received a phone call from this guy, and he asked what I meant by sending him the chocolate. Before I could answer him, he was blabbing that he was married but he would not mind having an affair with me! I was so embarrassed and humiliated. I told him I was married, too, but I never wanted to have an affair with him. I never saw that guy again nor asked him for anymore favor!

Happy Valentine’s everyone!

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