PILIPINAS
A: Hoy, maligo ka naman, puro hilamos ka na lang araw araw.
B: Aba, buti nga naghihilamos ng buong katawan, si PILIPI NASpu naspu nga lang ng mukha e.

TENNESSEE
A: Ang lalaki na pala ng mga anak ni Mang Gorio ano? Mataas pa sa kanya o.
B: Napakabilis nilang tumanda ano, eight years old na si Bobby, tapos TENNESSEE Cora.

QUIAPO
A: Lalabas ka na naman, huwag kang aalis ng walang sapin ang paa.
B: Opo Lola, ano ang gusto niyong isuot ko, sapatos po ba, o ba QUIAPO?

MEYCAUYAN
A: Ok itong drawing na ito ah, ikaw ba ang may gawa nito?
B: Inay naman, alam mo namang putol ang mga kamay ko eh, si Romy ang MEYCAUYAN.

PENNSYLVANIA
A: Oops, may nakaiwan ng lapis dito, baka naiwan ito ni Rudy ah.
B: Jojo, pakitanong mo nga kung PENNSYLVANIA ito o hindi?

MIAMI
A: Hi Baby, babay na, papasok na ako, susunod ka lagi sa Yaya mong tipo ni Itay ha?
B: Inay, pag ikaw uwi na, guto to yoyipop, at taka tokoleyt, at taka MIAMI yayuan.

PALAWAN
A: Pasensiya ka na sa ginawa ni Entong ha, akala ko gulong lang ang ninakaw sa iyo eh.
B: OO gulong lang, kaso mo kasama yung buong kotse, si Entong PALAWANted sa pulis.

MINDANAO
A: Pinadalhan ako ni Isagani ng plane ticket para daw pumasyal ako sa Amerika.
B: Mabuti naman at MINDANAO ng utang na loob sa iyo ang anak mo.

KENTUCKY
A: Ok ba itong bago kong soot na damit? Divisoria's Secret yan.
B: Masyado yatang maluwang ang blusa, aba eh KENTUCKYlikili mo na ah.

ALABANG
A: Kumareng Gloria, pasensiyahan mo na itong nadala kong ulam para kay Boy.
B: Naku si Mare nag-abala pa nang husto, este, Mare ALABANG kasamang sawsawan ito?

BICOL
A: Pambihira ka, sabi mo siguradong panalo na tayo, ayan pati kaluluwa ko nakasangla na.
B: Masama pare ang masyadong mainitin ang ulo, relax ka lang pare, BICOL.

ALABAMA
A: Mom, sirit na ho kami, talagang hindi ho namin alam kung bakit Erap ang pangalan niya.
B: Napakadali lang ng tanong ko sa inyo ah, ALABAMAkakasagot sa inyo nito?

MEMPHIS
A: Sobra ka na ha, porke natalo ang anak mo e kung ano-ano na ang sinasabi mo.
B: Para nabiro ka lang na pango ang ilong ng anak mo eh, masyado ka namang MEMPHIS.

ALASKA
A: Pare pakitingin nga ng baraha ko kung may laban ito.
B: Siguradong panalo ka na kasi apat na ALASKA sa kamay eh.

LA LOMA
A: Wow! Bilib na ako sa kotse ng utol mo, nakakaingit.
B: Ano pare, LA LOMA ka sa ganda ng tsekot niya ano?

MINDORO
A: Pare, paano tayo papasok diyan?
B: Ang tanga-tanga mo naman eh, ayan MINDORO.

POLYNESIA
A: Hey Precy, is it true that Paul is still hiding in Europe?
B: Well, the cops cannot find him in Europe, however, they found POLYNESIA.

ISTANBUL
A: Tisoy, hindi ba paborito mo si Ringo Starr?, ano sa Tagalog ang "Drum"?
B: The Tagalog word for Drum ISTANBUL.

MISSISSIPPI
A: Hoy Normita ano ka ba? Bilis-bilisan mo naman at mahuhuli na tayo sa date natin.
B: Sandali lang Aida, atog na atog ka naman eh, MISSISSIPPIlyo lang po ako ano.

SANTOLAN
A: Sige na Bayani tumula ka pa, nagustuhan nila eh, sige na naman.
B: O sige, basta SANTOLANa lang ha?.

VALENZUELA
A: Aling Belen, bakit naman ho ang bagal bagal ninyong maglakad.
B: Damontres na ito ah, nakita mo nang VALENZUELAs ng sapatos ko e.

PAETE
A: Tikim ka nang tikim, e hinde ka naman pala bibile.
B: Una, kulang ang perang bigay po ninyo, pangalawa, lasa kasing maPAETE.

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HOW A FILIPINO WOULD USE THE FOLLOWING WORDS IN A SENTENCE

Schooling
:(phone rings).....Hello? Who SCHOOLING? (Who's Calling)

Affect
:Maria is wearing AFFECT diamond ring. (A Fake)

Adieu
:If you are ADIEU, the Arabs will kill you. (A Jew)

Decanter
:You can order that medicine over DECANTER. (The Counter)

Deletion
:The balat of DELETION is crispy. (The Lechon)

Despise
:Who baked all DESPISE? (These Pies)

Different and Differential
:I am looking for DIFFERENT of this boy to get DIFFERENTIAL consent so he can go to the picnic. (The Parent and The Parental)

Chicken Not Bread
:If I put a bag over my wife's head then Chee kennot bread!" (She Cannot Breathe)

Persuading
:The newly married couple will celebrate their PERSUADING anniversary next year. (First Wedding)

Deposit
:When washing my hands, I always turn on DEPOSIT. (The Faucet)

Deficit
:Before going into the pool, I always check how DEFICIT. (Deep Is It)

Protestant
:I always get my apples and saging at the PROTESTANT. (Fruit Stand)

Devastation
:I wait for the bus at devastation. (The Bus Station)

Analyze and Anatomy
:My ANALYZE over the ocean, so bring back my ANATOMY. (Ana Lies and Ana To Me)

Tenacious
:Before playing tennis I have to put on my TENACIOUS. (Tennis Shoes)

Deduct, Defense, Defeat andDetail
:DEDUCT jumped over DEFENSE. DEFEAT first, DETAIL last. (The duck, the fence, the feet and the tail)

Associate
:I looked in the toilet and ASSOCIATE. (I saw shit)

Dinuguan
:I tried turning on the TV, but it DINUGUAN. (Did Not Go On)

Uno, Dos, Tres
:UNO! DOS TRES are on fire!(Oh no! Those trees)

Cadet
:CADET ko si Maria noong isang gabi. Ngayon, ikaw naman ang CADET niya. (Ka-date)

Mention
:Ang laki ng bahay nila, parang MENTION. (Mansion)

Borrow
:Ang dumi naman ng BORROW mo. (Baro)

Caesarean
:Lintek, anak, mag-ingat ka, CAESAREAN mo iyang laruan mo. (Sisirain)

Contemplate
:Pare, ang dami-daming pagkain, pero CONTEMPLATE. (Konti ang plate)

Artesia (A city in California)
:Nako naman, ang ganda-ganda ng bebot na 'yon, pero, ma-ARTESIA. (arte siya)

Cardiac
:Na-CARDIAC 'yong kotse ni Pedro noong isang gabi. (Carjack)

Centurion
:Na-CENTURION si Pedro ng tatay niya dahil sa kalokohan niya. (Sinturon)

Dedicate
:'pag ginamitan ng glue, siguradong DEDICATE iyan. (Didikit)

Delicacy
:Bagal mo...DELICACY mahuhuli na tayo. (Dali Kasi)

Depreciate
:Sister, DEPRECIATE already, kaya puede na tayong kumain. (The priest ate)

Diffusion
:Brownout....siguradong DIFFUSION pumutok. (The fuse 'yon)

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HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU’RE A FILIPINO

1. You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping (especially those bows) next year.
2. You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off.
3. You buy 100 rolls of toilet paper (on sale) and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has moved out.
4. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil.
5. Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it.
6. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack.
7. You have never used your dishwasher.
8. You eat all meals in the kitchen.
9. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers.
10. You use brocery bags to hold garbage.
11. You always leave your shoes at the door.
12. You have a piano in your living room.
13. You play a musical instrument.
14. You pick your teeth at the dinner table but you cover your mouth.
15. You twirl your pen around your fingers.
16. You hate to waste food....
17. You'll finish the leftover food on the table, to be thrown away, even if you're already full.
18. You have Tupperware in your fridge with 3 bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.
19. You don't own any real Tupperware - only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars.
20. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
21. The condiments in your fridge are either Price Club sized or come in plastic packets, which you save/steal every time you get take out or go to McDonald's
22. Ditto for paper napkins
23. You never order room service.
24. You own a rice cooker.
25. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
26. Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself.
27. You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or law.
28. You go to a dance party and see a wall of guys surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool.
29. You live with your parents and you are 30 years old (and they prefer it that way). Or if you're married and 30 years old, you live in the apartment next door to your parents, or at least in the same neighborhood.
30. Your parents' house is always cold.
31. You reuse teabags.
32. Your mom drives her Mercedes to Price Club.
33. You only make long distance calls after 11 pm
34. You have acquired a taste for bitter melon (ampalaya)
35. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached - it means they're fresh. *

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