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Chupchuwariwap
Let’s talk about gossip—the favorite pastime during
family and business gatherings, lunch breaks and night outs.
Gossip existed since primitive times when information on
source of food and dangerous places were exchanged. It came
from the old English word “god sibb”, meaning a
person related to one in God or a godparent. Gossip used to
denote friendship, what with the female godparents’ intimate
conversations during baptisms. Today, however, Webster defines
it as idle chatter, especially about the personal affairs
of others. The Filipino word for gossip is chismis which came
from the Spanish word “chisme”.
Gossip has been studied by social psychologists, who say gossip
is not just sharing of information about the personal lives
of others; it also includes our opinions and feelings about
the information.
Recent studies suggest that gossip is essential to our social,
psychological and physical welfare. By learning about others’
misfortunes, for example, our own problems become less significant.
We feel comforted when we know someone else fouled up like
we did. We learn from other people’s mistakes or we acquire
new ideas. Gossip also promotes bonding and camaraderie.
I have yet to accept the findings of these researchers.
I can’t help it but when I listen to other people talking
about the private affairs of others, I cringe on the inside
and wish I were somewhere else reading a book or sleeping.
I have always thought it is a waste of time talking about
other people’s lives when we have our own to think about.
To my mind, gossip is harmless when news exchanged is neutral
and positive, like somebody’s promotion or winning a
lottery, for example. However, these types of topics are not
as juicy compared to gossip which is intriguing (I saw your
ex with another girl), has a negative value (she was said
to steal the money) or involves a moral issue (our married
neighbor dated a man!). It is these types of gossip which
spread like wildfire such that plain information is translated
to huge proportions (the girl seen with the ex was actually
a younger sister, money was stolen by somebody else, and the
neighbor actually dated her husband who has been working overseas).
Don’t you also find it ironic that we want to talk
about other people but we are offended when others talk behind
our back?
Whatever, I deem it best to avoid both gossiping and listening
to gossip.
By avoiding gossip, I save time and effort and thus can
focus on more important things. I don’t damage my and
the defenseless subject’s reputation (studies prove gossip
boomerangs back to the gossiper), and I stay out of trouble
especially when data available or heard is untrue and speculative.
Make your choice. My only plea is that next time when you
are tempted to pass on the latest chismis, pause for a while,
evaluate the veracity of the data, check your motives for
sharing the info, and put yourself in the 3rd party’s
shoes. I bet you’ll opt keeping quiet instead. *
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