Handling criticism

by Gerlyn “Jing” Santos

How do you react when someone criticizes you? Do you blow your steam and scream at the top of your voice and cry “foul” at the top of your lungs? Do you curse the person and wish that somehow unfortunate events will happen to him/her? Do you seek sympathy from a friend and ask her to dichotomize and analyze the issue? Do you retreat in your own room and indulge yourself to a pity party complete with a box of tissue and angst-laden music at the background for a much needed crying session? Do you just shrug your shoulder and raise your eyebrow and tell that person “What else is new?” Or do you just stay as cool as a cucumber and let the issue enter your right ear and straight out of your left ear? These are some reactions, and the list can go on and on, that a person may experience when confronted with a not so pleasant kind of criticism.

Nobody is exempted from censure. No one is immune. Sad to say the vaccine that will make us criticism-free is not yet invented. People from all walks of life – from the king who lived in the palace to the pauper who lived on the ghetto - are assailed by this. Hurting arrows may come in various directions and sometimes may strike us when we least expected them.

What motivates a person to find fault/s on anybody who comes within his periphery? Oftentimes, he just picks anyone who comes within his range of target and then KABOOM becomes the recipient of his flak. He builds gratification from someone else’s misery and derives satisfaction in believing that he has inflicted psychological pain to someone else. He feels triumphant after he delivered a punch to his real or imagined adversary. But what kind of person is he who feels deliriously happy from the misery of others?

I do believe that behind every critical person is a soul waiting to be heard. Behind the façade of an acerbic/critical tongue is a lonely and hurting person. A critical person gets an emotional and psychological boost by falling into a delusion that he is better than the rest. He exalts himself in his self-made throne and alleviates himself from other mere mortals.

Personally, the value and validity of criticism depends on how much I know that person. What is his character? Am I an isolated case? If it is coming from someone who is known to be a critique of everybody then I echo what my friend used to say, “The problem is not about me, it’s about him.”

Criticism grows exponentially as it travels from one mouth to the other. As the message transfers from one person to another, chances are somewhere along the line the multiplier effect is in full swing. Let’s use persons named Ana, Bea and Cleo. Ana got hold of the information. The information plus Ana’s analysis will then be transferred to Bea. Bea in turn receives the diluted information and then analyzes the analysis of Ana. Bea with her own version will deliver the message to Cleo. Que horror! Just imagine the changes of words and the meaning as it travels from one person to another. The veracity of the issue is muddled and the original message is mangled. Even the manner/tone by which it is spoken can affect the impact of the message.

So, if the disparagement is not uttered to you personally and have been passed on to you by another person, then chances are some words will be missed out. Similarly, some words will be inserted. If you have the opportunity to trace the root, then do so. By doing so, issues will be clarified. Don’t readily accept the criticism hurled at you. Give room for doubt.

Criticism can make a person become bitter or better. He becomes a bitter person when he gets emotional and hates the person instead of the issue. On the contrary, he becomes a better person if he focuses on the issue and makes the necessary changes.

Criticism has its value despite the initial pain that it offers. Amidst the verbal assault, bits of truth might lurk beneath. Get the substance and heed and learn from it. If the criticism is true and it is within your capacity to change then by all means do it. Just like a whetstone whose abrasive side is meant to sharpen the dull edges of a knife, criticism can smoothen the rough edges and in turn make one a better person. *

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