Staying together

Sally Harada shares tips on marriage

Fifty percent of Filipinas married to Japanese divorce or are divorced by their husbands every year. Staying married to the same person in Japan, it seems, is a feat in itself. Marriage of convenience has spawned divorce of convenience.

Sally and Jiro share a light moment over dinner. Jiro is a professor in plant physiology while Sally is an English teacher and an administrative staff of a Japanese government office. Their son Paul is a computer engineer while daughter Christie is an English teacher.

Sally Harada, an Ilongga who just recently acquired her Japanese citizenship, admits that staying married has not been easy for her either, even if one is married to a university professor like she is.

She first met Jiro about 38 years ago while she was working at IRRI (International Rice Research Institute) in Los Banos, Laguna. Jiro was then a research fellow sent by Tohoku University’s Department of Agriculture.

Like many Filipinas in Japan, she does not see her husband everyday because of his working arrangement. Despite these challenges, her marriage to Jiro has remained as strong as ever. It helps perhaps that Sally has built a career of her own as an administrative staff at the National Institute of Fruit Tree Science and as an English teacher.

What was it like in your early years in Japan?

Aside from being curious of unknown things, I love challenges in life ever since my childhood that leaving my home country and staying in this beautiful country was and is never a problem whatsoever. As a foreigner here (until last year), I have been loved and liked by people wherever I go – be it in Sendai (my 1st year stay 36 yrs ago), Niigata (from the 2nd yr for 19 years), Akita (for 5 yrs) and here in Ibaraki (11 yrs).

What was your greatest challenge in marriage?

My dear husband Jiro’s being a WORKAHOLIC, which is typical of Japanese intellectuals. He could dare leave us (my son Paul, my daughter Christie and me) here in Japan for three years when he accepted a job on a JICA project as an expert in Thailand way back in 1984. Of course, we had to visit him there 3 to 4 times per year and vice versa but his thought of work first before pleasure was so disappointing.

How did you overcome this difficult period?

Love, understanding and perseverance prevailed in us. I also realized that he loves his work and family (of course), as he always would say to our children and me. I could overcome my pessimistic thoughts because it’s really true that GOD is always everywhere. The Greatest up in heaven always heard my prayers.

In your every day life as husband and wife, what do you do to maintain a happy relationship?

Praising each other’s accomplishments adds beauty to the relationship. Ironically, sometimes a little misunderstanding helps to know each other better. Extravagance, selfishness and disrespect are taboo. As a foreigner in this beautiful country, I always stick to my principle in life: IF YOU ARE IN ROME, DO WHAT THE ROMANS DO. In addition, I always bear in mind the Golden Rule: DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD WANT OTHERS DO UNTO YOU. It’s self-explanatory, meaning that we Filipinas married to Japanese living here should respect our husbands (nobody selected them but us, right???). Recognizing and giving emphasis to their culture, which is quite different from the Philippines’, as well as understanding and practicing them, is a MUST. We have to be considerate in every way (this is their homeland and we foreigners should patiently acquaint ourselves with the ins and outs of the Japanese life. We swore during the wedding ceremony to be together “for better or worse, till death do us part”. We always have to bear in mind that children only suffer when parents separate their ways.

How was your relationship with your Japanese in-laws?

Unfortunately, I didn’t have the chance to live with my in-laws because we stayed in a very narrow government housing. My mother-in-law’s longest stay with us was about three months only. We had beautiful, memorable days together. Thereafter, we still had the same beautiful, respectful relationship. Sad to say, my ideal mother-in-law had passed away nine years ago already.

How do you deal with stress at home, between you and your husband, as well as you and your children?

Join any kind of activities in your neighborhood, your children’s school, church, etc. Because if you are stressed out indoors, you have the options of releasing tension outdoors. With the groups you are in, you can divert your attention to the outside world (the house is your inside world). If there’s disagreement among the members of the family, try to talk it out, ask forgiveness and have a good night’s sleep! *

(Interviewed by Benigno Tutor, Jr.)

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